My Separation Anxiety

In a mother’s lifetime, she has to endure many sacrifices for the sake of her child. It is one of her many ways of expressing her unconditional love for them. One of the most painful sacrifices a mother has to undertake is to be physically separated from her child. There are many reasons why a mother has to leave her child but no matter what the reason is, her most ultimate reason is she loves her child so much. Leaving is for the child’s sake, securing the child’s future.

There are many Filipina mommies who assume the role of being breadwinners in their families. They become nurses, domestic helpers, entertainers outside the country. They become OFWs. The National Statistics Office highlighted that almost 49% of Overseas Filipino Workers are women.

One of the biggest sacrifices I have to undertake as a mom is the sacrifice of leaving my son even for two weeks because of chickenpox. I can’t let him catch the virus, even if he got the vaccine. I love him so much to let him suffer as a toddler. Aside from the rash, blisters, scabs, scars, itch and fever, there are possible complications such as pneumonia and encephalitis. Even if I was just on the other room, and he was on our room with his babysitter, it was bittersweet for me to listen to his cries of sadness. I know he missed me so much. His nanny kept on narrating his daily accounts of coping with the fact that I was not there beside him. He would say, “Mommy, mommy” whenever he sees anything that was mine, especially my clothes inside the cabinet. He would kiss our family picture and would say, “Mommy, daddy, me”. He would plainly look for me and say again, “Mommy.” Sometimes, he would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing. At his young age of two, it was so painful to know that he has separation anxiety. It was even more painful that I have to cope with my own separation anxiety. Writing in this blog was one my ways to keep myself sane. It gives me a sense of letting go, even for a while.